TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF SERVICE
EFFECTIVE DATE: December 28, 2024
This legally binding agreement ("Agreement") is made between Dylan Palladino, a comedian and content creator operating under the laws of New York (hereinafter referred to as "Dylan," "I," "me," or "the funny guy") and you, the person reading this (hereinafter referred to as "you," "viewer," or "future biggest fan").
WHEREAS, I create comedy content that ranges from mildly amusing to "why isn't this guy famous yet?";
WHEREAS, you've somehow found your way to my content and want more of it;
NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the laughs, giggles, and occasional snorts we're about to share, let's get into the legal stuff that my lawyer says I need to have:
1. WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS? (DEFINITIONS)
1.1. Look, legal stuff is boring, but we gotta do this. Here's what all these fancy words mean:
"Confidential Information" - All the secret sauce that makes the magic happen. This includes my jokes, my hair care routine, and that one story I told you at 3 AM that we agreed never to repeat.
"Intellectual Property" - All my brilliant (and sometimes questionable) creative content, including but not limited to: jokes, bits, social media posts, that one TikTok I made while sleep-deprived, and any future Netflix specials (manifesting this, okay?).
"Services" - The comedy gold I'm bringing to your life through shows, content, merch, and whatever else my caffeinated brain comes up with.
"Tools" - My comedy weapons of choice: microphone, social media accounts, and that one lucky pair of socks I wear at every show.
2. WHAT I DO AND DON'T DO (SCOPE OF SERVICES)
2.1. Here's what you're signing up for (no refunds, by the way):
(a) Comedy that might make you laugh, cry, or both simultaneously
(b) Social media content that ranges from "pure genius" to "what was he thinking?"
(c) Merch that's actually wearable in public (most of the time)
(d) The occasional existential crisis disguised as entertainment
(e) My best attempt at being professional (results may vary)
2.2. I promise to bring my A-game, or at least my B+ game if I'm hungover.
3. AGE RESTRICTIONS (THE BORING BUT NECESSARY STUFF)
3.1. If you're under 18, first of all - why are you reading legal documents? Go do your homework. But also:
(a) Get your parents' permission before watching my content (I say some wild stuff)
(b) Don't repeat my jokes at school - you'll get in trouble and I don't need that karma
(c) Seriously, do your homework
4. THE SECRET SAUCE (CONFIDENTIALITY)
4.1. Here's the deal with my content and intellectual property:
(a) Don't steal my jokes. I spent way too much time in my bedroom practicing them
(b) Don't record my shows without permission - my double chin has specific angles it prefers
(c) If you're another comedian reading this for "research," I see you 👀
4.2. If you share my content (please do), just credit me properly. My mom likes to keep track.
5. SOCIAL MEDIA AND CONTENT STUFF
5.1. By following me on social media, you agree to:
(a) Laugh at least 3 times per post (honor system)
(b) Accept that my TikTok algorithm is beyond saving
(c) Understand that my Instagram stories may contain excessive coffee-fueled rants
(d) Acknowledge that my tweets are written with varying degrees of sobriety
5.2. Content Warnings:
(a) Side effects may include: uncontrollable laughter, mild confusion, and the occasional snort-laugh
(b) My content is not responsible for any milk-through-nose incidents
(c) Views expressed while sleep-deprived may not reflect normal human thoughts
6. WHEN THINGS GO SOUTH (TERMINATION)
6.1. This agreement can end if:
(a) You get tired of my jokes (impossible but legally I have to include this)
(b) I decide to pursue my backup career as a professional napper
(c) The universe implodes (in which case, we all have bigger problems)
7. COVERING MY ASS (LEGAL STUFF)
7.1. I'm not responsible for:
(a) Stomach aches from laughing too hard
(b) Your boss catching you watching my TikToks at work
(c) Any life decisions made immediately after watching my content
(d) The quality of my jokes before coffee
8. THE RULES OF THE LAND
8.1. This agreement follows the laws of New York, because that's where the best pizza is and I don't trust states with bad pizza to handle legal matters.
8.2. Any disputes will be settled by a dance-off. Just kidding, we'll use the New York courts, but the dance-off option remains on the table.
9. RANDOM BUT IMPORTANT STUFF
9.1. This is the whole enchilada - no other agreements exist, especially not that bet we made at 2 AM.
9.2. If any part of this agreement is as weak as my early material, we'll cut it out and keep the rest.
9.3. I can change these terms faster than I change my mind about my career choices.
10. SHOW ETIQUETTE
10.1. At my shows, you agree to:
(a) Laugh at the appropriate times (or at least pretend to)
(b) Not heckle unless you're prepared to be absolutely destroyed
(c) Keep your phone away unless you're adding me on social media
(d) Accept that front row seats come with a 100% chance of being part of the show
11. HOW TO REACH ME
For business inquiries, complaints, or to tell me how much you love me:
Dylan Palladino
Email: dylan@wallsentertainment.com
Social Media: @dylanpalladino everywhere except MySpace
Carrier pigeon: Currently not accepting due to previous incidents
By reading this far, you've officially spent more time on legal documents than I did in college. Congratulations!
By engaging our Services, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, and agree to be bound by all terms and conditions contained in this Agreement.